Today marks six months since my mom passed away. It is also the day I am heading home to NY to do Christmas with my brother, sister, and grandma. I'll be there a few days before flying to Florida to celebrate more Christmas and New Years with Tate's family. It is definitely going to be weird. We've made plans to do Christmas activities, but I'm not in the holiday spirit at all this year. It isn't going to be festive - my mom usually had the house covered in decorations, but she's not there to put up the tree and arrange the Christmas village. Stocking stuffers and presents that were things we mentioned we liked over the course of the year are going to be noticeably absent. I feel like I need to be doing these things in her place, but I don't have the "mommy" knowledge - The innate ability to know exactly what the kids want and need for gifts. We usually have a huge meal - I think we may just order Chinese this year. We may go see a movie and pretend it is not painful to sit around the house she used to light up. Everyone says it will get better, but there are still a helluva lot of "firsts" we need to get through before then.